Alright, buckle up buttercups, because Carl Joshua Ncube, your favorite Zimbabwean comedian who occasionally pretends to know what he’s doing, I am on a whirlwind tour of Morocco. And let me tell you, navigating those medinas is like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube blindfolded, while riding a camel.
First off, the colors! My retinas are still recovering. It’s like someone spilled every paint pot in the world and then decided, “Let’s make a market!” And the smells! Oh, the smells. From fragrant spices that made me want to write a poem (a bad one, probably) to… well, let’s just say some smells that made me question my life choices.
Now, the language. French. And a bit of Arabic. I’m not fluent in either, unless you count “Bonjour” and “Please don’t sell me a carpet for my entire life savings.” So, I armed myself with ten French phrases I thought would save my life. Turns out, they mostly just confused people. But hey, at least I was confused in style.
Carl’s Top Ten French Phrases for Surviving Morocco (and Possibly Annoying Locals):
- “C’est trop cher!”
“That’s too expensive!” This one, I used a lot. Like, a LOT. I’m pretty sure I offended a few rug merchants. But hey, my wallet survived!
- “Je suis un touriste très pauvre.” –
“I am a very poor tourist.” I delivered this with maximum dramatic flair, often while clutching my empty pockets. It may or may not have worked.
- “Où est le meilleur tajine?”
“Where is the best tagine?” Crucial for culinary survival. And also, a great way to start a food fight, if you ask the wrong person.
- “Je ne comprends pas.”
“I don’t understand.” My go-to phrase for when someone was explaining something complicated, like the history of a ceramic pot. I nodded a lot, too.
- “Combien ça coûte?”
“How much does that cost?” The most important phrase, really. Especially when you’re staring at a beautiful lamp and trying not to faint from the price.
- “C’est délicieux!”
“That’s delicious!” Essential for complimenting the aforementioned tagine, or anything else you’re brave enough to put in your mouth.
- “Je cherche les épices.”
“I’m looking for spices.” Because, let’s be honest, who goes to Morocco and doesn’t buy a mountain of spices?
- “Aidez-moi! Je suis perdu!”
“Help me! I am lost!” In a medina, this is less of a plea and more of a daily affirmation. I wouldn’t use this expression unless I am absolutely desperate because you may end up being directed to a place you will spend money.
- “Un thé à la menthe, s’il vous plaît.” –
“A mint tea, please.” Because you need something to wash down all those spices.
- “Je suis un comédien, pas un acheteur riche.”
“I am a comedian, not a rich buyer.” My final, desperate plea when someone tried to sell me a camel. It didn’t work.
Navigating the markets was a masterclass in negotiation. I learned that the secret is to smile, laugh, and pretend you have absolutely no money. Also, to have a very good poker face.
And the food! Oh, the food! I have eaten so much tagine so far, I think I turned into one. But it was worth it. Every. Single. Bite.
So, if you’re planning a trip to Morocco, remember these phrases. And remember to bring your sense of humor. You’ll need it. Trust me. And if you see a comedian walking around with a ceramic tagine on his head, that’s probably me.
*Carl Joshua Ncube is currently Curating experiences for soccer fans to enjoy the Africa Cup of Nations this December in Morocco. For more information on how to book a trip to Morocco follow his website www.gowarriorsfans.com*
Creative Director International Stand Up Comedian and the United Nations Tourism Special Ambassador for Gastronomy, Carl brings an arsenal of skillsets to give an interesting take on lifestyle in sports. He is the founder and creator of the www.gowarriorsfans.com initiative and platform
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